Hey, welcome and peace to you (assalaamu alaykum),
This post is the Q&A for July 6, 2019. If you have any questions to send please email me at [email protected] and we will do our best to respond. Sometimes we will take a few questions and put them together into one so you might not see your exact question here but you will get the idea of questions.
Question - I keep hearing people tell “find out what you want and then go get it.” Except it’s so difficult to gain clarity and what I want. Also, being a Bangladeshi woman which means in our community you put everyone before you and if you don’t then you weren’t raised right. How do I actually rise above all of this and communicate my needs and wants to my parents?
Answer - This is 2 questions in 1, so I will break it down.
This is a HUGE question and I am actually developing a whole course on it because it is so important, and difficult. I often see people spend a lot of time working on things that they don’t really want to do because they have no clarity. In terms of getting clarity on what you ‘want and then go get it’ it is not straightforward, and what you want now may not be what you want tomorrow because you will have changed and the world will have changed. So don’t focus too much on tomorrow and what you are missing out, rather focus on today.
Here are my top tips on how find out what you want.
The above process will help you with any area of your life from your relationship with God to your relationship with money. It is a very powerful tool.
How to communicate your needs to your parents.
The first thing to remember is that despite what you may think your parents love you and want what is best for you. Even when they are annoyed, they do want what is best. Most of the time when there is a communication breakdown it happens because either the parent or child is not being effective in their communication (and please note… that here the parent and child could be 80 and 60 respectively, or 45 and 15; one thing is for sure that parents will always want to parent!).
Plan the conversation.
Know what you want to say and why. Think about the questions that your parents will ask and prepare a measured response.
What you could achieve can vary. You'll probably want the adults in your life to do one or more of these things:
Prepare before the conversation.
So you can seek the support of your parents or the adult you are trying to speak to. E.g.
Top tips for when you are speaking to your parents --
Be clear and direct.
Try to understand their point of view.
Try not to moan or argue.
If you have any advice to share to help answer the questions please comment below. And if you think that these answers might help someone in your circle, please share!